Trump Pleased With Hundreds of Parades Held In His Honor

As millions of people across the country participated in the largest protest march in American history, a junior White House staffer lost his job.  The former staffer, who wished not to be named, recounts the tale exclusively for Probably Legit.

The president reportedly first noticed the gathering crowd after attending the inaugural prayer service in the national cathedral. Trump appeared to be frustrated by the long service and many staffers noticed signs of an oncoming tantrum. The president was then driven to his new residence where he allegedly stared out the window for a long while before tentatively asking the on edge staff, "Are they mad about something?"

The staff in the room nervously kicked their shoes and stared at the ground before Kellyanne Conway quickly handed the President his bottle and answered, "Oh no, hon… There, there. Shhh shhh shhh. They are not mad. They are celebrating! It's just a big, fun parade that kept going from yesterday! Shh shhh shhh. They are having parades for you all over the country! They love you sweetie!"

After the three sips of warm milk, the President's nerves calmed noticeably. He then nodded, returned to the window, and announced, "WOW! Big huge parades all over the country! Largest parade in the history of America. Possibly Earth! Only one day in and already winning so much. Really Bigly! All wearing red hats and cheering to make America great again! So honored. We will!"

The president then turned from the window and said, "Tweet that."

The now unemployed staffer says he doesn't regret correcting the president on the color of the hats, but reports that immediately after saying, "I think those hats are pink" he was fired.

Asked if he learned anything from his brief stint working at the White House, the former staffer states, "He did call them red hats in that tweet. And he still got 105k likes. I think I learned that I don't want to be in politics anymore."

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