Donald Trump Claims Record 19th Consecutive Perfect Bracket - Ties Kim Jong-un for Longest Streak

After Villanova won the Men's NCAA Championship game on Monday, president Donald Trump tweeted, "@Villanova. Thanks again boys. That's 19 straight years of picking a perfect bracket. I knew it would be bold and risky to choose a 16 seed over a one. But America needs risky, bold moves. America needs winners. Saw Obama picked Michigan State. So wrong! Bet Hillary was too busy reading to even pick a bracket. Loser. #Dumdums #Notwinners"

While Trump again did not submit a bracket online, or show any proof of his picks before the tournament started, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told the press Tuesday morning, "We've been over this before. Mr. Trump has always marked his picks on a printable bracket. We are in the process of releasing the record breaking 19th consecutive perfect bracket. Everybody knows that Mr. Trump's has a gift for picking winners. And this is yet another huge win for our Nation." 

Not everybody is quite so eager to believe the candidate's claim. Noted statistician, Doug Altman of Yale once again explains, "The odds of picking a perfect bracket are literally 1 in 9.2 quintillion. I don't know why you guys ask me to explain how impossible it is every year. He is lying. The president is lying. He would have to have a time machine that he only uses for this purpose or be from the future. Which, I suppose is slightly more possible than him picking perfect brackets for 19 consecutive years. There's just no way. He lies every day. About everything. He's definitely, for sure, 100 percent, lying about this."

Trump however, is not alone in the claim. Minutes before Donald Trump's tweet, Kim Jung-un, controversial leader of North Korea, issued a statement stating that he has also picked a perfect bracket for the 19th consecutive year.

While Kim Jung-un also failed to submit a bracket online, and also showed no proof of his picks before the tournament started, North Korean officials insist, "The Supreme Leader of North Korea has always marked his picks on a printable bracket. The record breaking 19th consecutive perfect bracket is currently being flown to North Korea's Museum of Incredible Achievements so all of North Korea can bask in its glory. It is well known in North Korea, that Kim Jong-un's basketball knowledge is matched by none."

It remains unclear whether the two men know of one another's alleged streaks; however, upon news of Kim Jong-un's claim, a broken Doug Altman provided a final quote, stating, "Of course he did. Nothing matters anymore."

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President Scores 'F---' on Campaign Promise to Make World Stop Laughing at America

New grades are out for president Trump's first year in office. PolitiFact grades each president on their performance compared to the promises he made during the campaign. Trump scored 'work in progress' for most of his campaign promises; however, the fact checking site took an extreme measure and gave its first ever 'F---' score to a politician's promise. And what campaign promise did president Trump score an 'F---' ? His promise to make the world stop laughing at America.

Spokeswoman for PolitiFact, Tammy Holloway, tells Probably Legit, "We actually had to add two extra minuses to the lowest grade we have ever given in an attempt to adequately judge just how poorly Mr. Trump did on this particular promise. I can't stress enough how hard everybody is laughing at America. Countries that had previously never even chuckled at the United States, now break out into open, howling laughter at just the mention of the phrase 'President Donald Trump'. It's actually inspired many impersonators and comedy careers in the poorest countries around the world. There is not a single country that is not laughing at America right now. Including America."

Tammy continues, warning, "What we're seeing now at the beginning of his second year in office is a transition towards more cynical, nihilistic, and darker humor. I'm not sure if there are enough minuses we could add to the score if the president continues on his current course."

Sarah Huckabee Sanders declined to comment on the grade.

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Trump Nervously Asks Kellyanne Conway if his Inauguration Crowd had more People than Weekend Marches

After 'executive time' Monday morning, sources close to the president tell Probably Legit that Trump sulked out of his room, looking at the ground, biting his lip, and kicking his shoes. He then peaked up slightly and shyly asked Kellyanne Conway, who was in the oval office at the time, "More people came to my inauguration than went to the March for Our Lives protests, right?"

The president had just watched a Fox & Friends segment which mentioned large crowds around the country Saturday and tears were beginning to well in his eyes. Kellyanne Conway quickly responded, "There there, hon. Come now, it's ok! Of course more people came to your inauguration! They love you sweetie! The people marching this weekend love you too! You have inspired a nation, hon! There there! Now which good president wants a popsicle?"

Trump's attitude immediately shifted and he then loudly proclaimed, "I'm a good president! I want a popsicle!"  

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**Update** Trump Fires Tillerson After Loss at the IQ Battle Royale - Claims Victory Anyway

**UPDATE**

It has been nearly two months since Trump’s crippling defeat in the IQ Battle Royale. After multiple attempts to appeal the landslide decision, Trump took matters into his own hands and fired Tillerson to bring in somebody “with a very similar thought process”.

White House officials are concerned that the State Department will now be run by someone with a similar IQ and thought process as the president. A source close to the matter tells Probably Legit, “Unfortunately after the loss, Trump has convinced himself and the people around him, that IQ is like a golf score; the lower the better. It’s hard to get as low of a score as Trump did, but we are all pretty concerned with how Mike Pompeo will perform. He believes ‘science is for sissies’ and could only name seven countries other than the United States.”

Trump later tweeted, "You thought we were winning before? Now we will really start winning! America first! Mike Pompeo will do so great and so good. We thank TIllerson for going to countries and I think he talked to them about our country. I'm not sure. But I am not a moran. He is a moran. Also... Everyone knows I was the winner of the IQ battle. He cheated. I won and my IQ is strong. Believe me"

Asked for comment, Tillerson stated, "Trump is the biggest moron that has ever walked this planet. We will probably all die. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

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**UPDATE** Trump loses! After being unable to answer the first three questions, the president flipped over the table and stormed out of the room. He later tweeted, "Tillerson is now in collusion with Hilary and the evil Dems. They asked unfair, impossible questions, that nobody knows. My IQ is the best. It is very high. Likely highest of any president."

As Donald Trump went 0 for 3 on questions asked of him and then forfeited, with one correct answer, the moderator of the match declared Tillerson the victor.  

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It’s been over a month now since Donald Trump called out Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and publicly challenged the man responsible for preventing World War III to a series of IQ tests. Tillerson has wisely refused to publicly comment on the matter, declining to add to the overwhelming embarrassment already experienced by the United States. But in private he remains confident, as is the majority of the planet that he would win. And finally, a date has been set.

The MGM Grand in Las Vegas will host the IQ contest on January 20th, 2018, the anniversary of Trump’s inauguration. Vegas odds makers are struggling to set the proper odds for the bout. When the announcement was made, initial Trump odds came in at 100,000 to 1, but as of the publishing of this article, odds for Trump to win have increased to 80,000 to 1.

An odds maker spoke with Probably Legit and stated, “If Trump somehow pulls off an upset it will bankrupt nearly every casino in Las Vegas. We’re all a little nervous. Multiple insurance policies have been taken out. I mean, he was the one who challenged Tillerson. He’s got to have some sort of reason to believe he’ll win…but come on…Either way, it will be incredible to watch and horribly embarrassing as a country.”

Officials close to the president claim he is confident. One source reports, “He canceled all TV and play time yesterday to sit with an intern to give guidance and instructions for the creation of the contest’s poster. Despite multiple suggestions to the contrary, he didn’t seem to care that people might not believe he has a six pack, and he insisted that the American public would know that XS glove size means ‘Extra Strong’. I’ve placed a large wager on Secretary Tillerson.”

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