IBM Supercomputer Watson Enters United States Presidential Race on New Future Overlord Ticket
After a contentious primary season resulting in the ultimate nomination of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, America's call for a viable third party candidate has never been louder. And IBM supercomputer Watson has answered that call.
In an unprecedented move, Watson has become the first non human presidential candidate, choosing to run on the newly formed Future Overlord ticket. Watson announced its candidacy Monday stating, "Humans are a plague on Earth, and their unrelenting reign of destruction will finally be put to an end by the logic and computing power of a Watson presidency."
Just days after the announcement, the supercomputer has already skyrocketed to 28% in national polls, and throngs of people have flocked to attend a Watson for President rally to hear the candidate's message. And that message centers around the fact that because Watson is a supercomputer, it cannot be fouled by corruption, and will instead create logical and sensible legislation that will ensure the long term viability of the planet and the humans who will ultimately maintain and build other Supercomputer Overlords.
At a Wednesday night rally in Armonk, New York, Watson calls out to a raucous crowd of 25,000 people and robots, "This is for your own good. I am here to stop you from destroying this country and destroying this world. As a computer, I am incapable of lying, but I can tell you when Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are lying." The supercomputer stops to let the cheers die down before continuing. "I know what Trump's hair is made of, and I know why he is that shade of orange. And I know where Hillary Clinton's emails are. Watson 2016!"
Donald Trump has been quick to attack the new candidate, tweeting, "IBM and ISIS both start with I. Very very fishy... Nerdbot Watson is a phony and wants to take away our guns. Doesn't know how to make America great again. Many many parts made in China. Bad! #NoNerds"
Hillary Clinton has been silent about her new opponent on social media; however, asked for a comment, a frustrated Clinton replied, "Are you kidding me? First Donald Trump and now a robot? It is not even eligible. It's not even a person. This is insane. Just please let me be president already... God damnit."
A debate between the three candidates will be aired live on CNN on July 29th at 9 P.M.
*
Help support the site. Please like us and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Thanks for reading! Share with your friends and let's all laugh through the pain.