John Kasich Extremely Proud of Woman for Holding Microphone and Asking Question All by Herself

At a recent Pennsylvania Town Hall, presidential hopeful John Kasich took time to praise Cathy Bowers after she asked the candidate how he intends to address the long term solvency problem in regards to social security.

After receiving the question, a single tear rolled down the Ohio Governor's cheek and he beamed with pride before answering, "First off, I want to thank you for having the courage to stand up in front of everybody here today all by yourself. You've done so fantastic holding that heavy microphone in your pretty dress. And what a great job memorizing that question that your husband wrote for you. I don't know how you ladies find the time when you aren't making your homes smell like apple pie and sunshine. I'm so stinking proud of you Cathy."

The stunned Cathy Bowers responded, "Thanks, I guess. But I don't bake. And I don't have a husband. I'm not even wearing a dress right now... I'm concerned about the long term solvency of social security and how you plan to address the issue." A confused Kasich then answered, "Well, sweetie, that's a complicated issue and us men will take care of that later. You just keep baking those tasty apple pies that we all love so much! Thanks, darling."  

Shortly after the exchange, Cathy Bowers was escorted from the town hall by secret service who cited Mr. Kasich's belief that 'Miss Bowers was likely a Bernie protester or a witch from the radical left who was disrupting his town hall with blasphemy.'

The candidate's attitude towards women has been a growing concern with Kimberly Sutton of NOW (National Organization for Women).  The organization recently released each candidate's grades in relation to promoting women's rights. Donald Trump and Ted Cruz both scored the lowest rating of 'F----', while Mr. Kasich scored a more respectable 'F-'. Asked about the rankings, Kimberly replies, "Ladies and gentlemen, allow me introduce the supposedly moderate candidate for the republican party: John Kasich, a man who thinks women are baby makers who make pies for the men in between pregnancies. NOW doesn't believe Mr. Kasich actively hates women or has killed any of us, which is why he scored so high compared to his opponents."

When asked to choose a GOP candidate that would be the least disastrous to women rights and for the country, Kimberly sighed heavily and said, "If these were literally my only three choices and I was forced at gunpoint to choose one; I guess somebody who thinks I am great at making apple pies would be a very tiny benefit."

Asked for a final comment on his stance towards women, the presidential long shot whistled and stated, "They sure are pretty to look at. And their dedication to making such delicious apple pies is the glue that keeps this country together. I just love those ladies. You betcha to heck."

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